A very tekken christmas
by the eyes of fate
Summary: Heihachi dressed as santa? please R&R my fic thanx! The story get even more absurd, and Paul is not having a good time.
1. Default Chapter

A very Tekken Christmas  
  
by eyes of fate  
  
Disclaimer; I don't own Tekken, namco does, but alas, I wish I did...  
  
Claimer; I do own Athos, J2, Nadi and Tere...  
  
They are mine!  
  
  
  
At the Mishima mansion......  
  
Kazuya; Damn! Why are we all here?  
  
Jun; Kazuya, please don't swear *points to the impending christmas tree* I think we are here for a christmas party.  
  
Bryan; um, I'd better leave...  
  
Lei; Why?  
  
Bryan; I'm a Jehovah witness you see...  
  
Lei; I always knew something was wrong with you!  
  
*Athos sets Bryan alite*  
  
Athos; Thats for sending all those people to my fucking door!  
  
Bryan; Arghhhhhhh!  
  
Jun; Athos, please don't swear...  
  
Athos; your not my fucking mother, Nina is!  
  
Jun; Kazuya, please tell your son to control himself.  
  
Kazuya; * A little sick of Jun* Oh alright. *turns to Athos* SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, BEFORE I......  
  
Jun; KAZUYA!  
  
*Lee does a peace sign*  
  
*so does Gon*  
  
Kazuya and Athos; What the F-  
  
Jun; Don't say it!  
  
Kazuya and Athos; -UCK?!  
  
Lee; Um, hi  
  
Gon; Grrr?  
  
Athos; where is Nina?  
  
Nina; here I am sweetie!  
  
Anna; Nina the dotting mother...  
  
*Nina throws Anna out the window*  
  
Athos; Nina, can I swear?  
  
Nina; sure, why not?  
  
*Athos turns to Jun and shouts a lot of obscenities*  
  
Jun; Kazuya, please..  
  
Kazuya; *rolls eyes* tell your son not to swear... I know  
  
Jun; well?  
  
Kazuya; well what?  
  
Jun; aren't you going to tell him off?  
  
Kazuya; *shrugs* It ain't gonna make an ounce of a difference, look at me!  
  
Athos; *chases Gon around with a vase* DIE DIE DIE!  
  
Jin; *crosses his arms* whatever  
  
Hwoarang; no one was talking to you man  
  
Jin; I know, you see normally by now people would be paying attention to me, and I'd be saying 'whatever' by now  
  
Hwo; so, your like, on cue?  
  
Jin; yeah  
  
Hwo: you. Are. Weird. Attention seeker...  
  
Jin; I'm not the one with the bright red hair!  
  
Hwo; Ahem! What about your bloody spike, numnuts?  
  
Jin; Its a family thing!  
  
Hwo; Lee doesn't have one  
  
Jin; Lee's not family  
  
Lee; *cries*  
  
Hwo; Jun doesn't have one... *turns to see Kazuya gelling up Jun's hair* Nevermind  
  
Jun; great! Now I get to look like Jin and Kazuya!  
  
Jin; yay!  
  
Michele: And she looks like Heihachi...  
  
*Jun's hair splits in two*  
  
*Heihachi walks in, dressed as santa*  
  
Kazuya; ???  
  
Michele; Heihachi, why are you degrading santa?  
  
Jun; I think it's good he's showing the goodness in his heart...  
  
Everyone; SHUT UP JUN!  
  
Michele; you are lucky you ate all of my axes!  
  
Heihachi; yeah, that was good chow.  
  
Kazuya; where did you get the suit?  
  
Heihachi; well your mother and I used to use it in role play you see...  
  
Kazuya; THATS ENOUGH!!  
  
Jin; where's my present granddaddy?  
  
Kazuya, Athos, Lee and Hwoarang; Granddady?  
  
Jin; must you question every thing?  
  
Kazuya; yep, Besides you aint right in the head  
  
Hwo; I second that!  
  
Kazuya; get away from me Bob, you junkie boy!  
  
Hwo; aww man! How many times do I have to say this! That is not my frickin' name! And I'm not a damn junkie!  
  
Jun; Hwoarang, please don't swear...  
  
Hwo; at least I don't have a prude for a wife...  
  
Kazuya; she saw the goodness in my heart thank you!  
  
Jin; actually , she told me you were a good fuck  
  
Jun; Jin!  
  
Kazuya; Jun, is this true?  
  
Jun; I- I- I-  
  
Is it true? Is Kazuya a good fuck?  
  
Find out next chapter...  
  
note; lots of love to void slayer  
  
( a very sexy bastard!) who supported me a hell of lot  
  
thanx snake edge for telling me about how to fix the damn problem with the text  
  
( Microsoft word pisses me off!) 


	2. part 2

A very Tekken Christmas  
  
Chapter 2  
  
by Eyes of fate  
  
cutedeath@2die4.com  
  
Note: If you happen to be a Jun Kazama fan, I advise you not to read this, its just that I watched that tekken anime movie about a month ago and her character pissed me right off, don't get me wrong, she is a really cool character in tekken ( in fact I used to use her all the time for a while there!), this is just my way of venting ok?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Tekken, Namco and Heihachi does... bla..... bla..... bla  
  
At the Mishima Mansion......  
  
Kazuya: Jun?  
  
Jun: Yes, it's true..  
  
Kazuya: and you meant so much to me! I should have dumped you for Michelle! You were bad!  
  
Jun: *cries* I'm a bad whore....  
  
Kazuya: That's right! *grins over at Michelle* now there's a woman..  
  
Ganryu & Baek: Hey!  
  
Anna: Hey!  
  
Nina: *anime sweatdrop*  
  
Jin: Mummy, are you OK?  
  
Jun: No, fuck off already!  
  
Jin: Mummy, I'm offended!  
  
Jun: fuck off already! And quit calling me mummy!!  
  
Heihachi: This is gonna be good.  
  
Xioyu: It sure is! Don't you have something for me?  
  
Heihachi: Later.  
  
Xioyu: Awwwwwwwww!  
  
Heihachi: Later!  
  
Jin: *cries* Mummy hates me..  
  
Athos: and you call yourself a bad ass. *gives Hwoarang a high five*  
  
Hwo: *wipes his hands on his jeans* Ewww, Mishima germs  
  
Athos: I thought we were friends!  
  
Hwo: *looks away* We are, sorta...  
  
Julia: *hands Hwoarang an eggnog* Here.  
  
Hwo: Is it alcoholic?  
  
Julia: *rolls eyes* Yes  
  
Hwo: cool *skulls it and falls asleep*  
  
Lee, King and Armour King: Damn!  
  
Anna: mwhahahaha! *pulls Hwo over to the wall*  
  
Lei: 0_o  
  
Marshall: * Points at Paul and Forrest* Stop making out with my son!!  
  
Forrest: *hic* eggnog goood...  
  
Marshall: you're too young to drink!  
  
Forrest: * Hic* You haven't seen Queer as folk, have you?  
  
Marshall: no...  
  
Paul: *hugs forrest* I'm Brian  
  
Bryan: *all burnt up* Huh?  
  
Lei: It doesn't concern you, Church boy!  
  
Bryan: um, Zombie!  
  
Forrest: and I'm..  
  
Marshall: I don't wanna know!  
  
Dr B: *falls over and electrocutes himself*  
  
Yoshimitsu: What's new?  
  
Anna: Are we ready for some music?  
  
Hwo: *wakes up* Am I in... * sees Anna* Hell? *tries to get up. But notices he's chained to the wall and hand cuffed to his guitar* Whoa! I'm hand cuffed to my guitar! Bitch!  
  
Anna: Here * gives Hwo a christmas carol song book* You have to play " jingle bells rock"  
  
Hwo: shit!  
  
Nina: *throws Anna out the window again* here * drops the keys just where he can't reach them, accidently, and continues beating up Anna*  
  
Hwo: SHIT!  
  
Xioyu: *picks up keys* I'll unlock you if you'll kiss me!  
  
Hwo: Hell no, get away from me you commie bitch!  
  
Xioyu: Awwww! *throws keys into the toilet bowl* I can always try!  
  
Hwo: *cries*  
  
Lee: There, there  
  
Hwo: Don't patronise me!  
  
Lee: I'm not, I feel your pain..  
  
Hwo: I'm not gonna kiss you either!  
  
Lee: *pouts like Xioyu and decides to leave Hwoarang alone*  
  
Nadi: *walks up and picks the locks with her hairpin* There, you can whining now. * leaves  
  
Hwo: damn....  
  
Athos: she's mine!  
  
Hwo: not if I can help it!  
  
Kazuya: *pashes Michele  
  
Jun, Ganryu & Baek: *simultaneously* I'm so depressed.  
  
Julia: Go mum!  
  
Jin: Mum?  
  
Julia: I don't know, she wont admit it.  
  
Michelle: I need a breather...  
  
Kazuya: Okay  
  
Michelle: *goes into the bathroom and Baek follows* OH MY GOD YOUR NOT KOREAN!  
  
Kazuya: ???  
  
Ganryu: shit  
  
Kazuya: rearranges flowers, plays jingle bells, shoots christmas decorations with Nina's shotgun* Where's Michelle?  
  
Nina: Now where the fuck is my shotgun??  
  
*Michelle + Baek come out looking a little ruffled*  
  
Baek: *big evil grin*  
  
Michelle: O_O  
  
Ganryu: Damn! I knew it!  
  
Kazuya: *starts kissing Michelle again*  
  
Anna: this is weird  
  
Jin: yeah, normally it would be mother, but...  
  
Anna: Michelle?  
  
Julia: then if I dated Jin it would be incest!  
  
  
  
What did Baek do to Michelle?  
  
Next on "A Very Tekken Christmas" 


	3. part 3

A Very Tekken Christmas  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Tekken, Namco does, tra lala de da...  
  
*yawn!*  
  
Still at the Mishima mansion...  
  
Baek: *evil grin*  
  
Hwo: Master Baek, why the grin?  
  
*Baek whispers something into Hwoarang's ear*  
  
Hwo: *looks a little flushed* Master Baek! *Quickly returns to his cool* Only that? You should have done other stuff as well.  
  
Baek: *shrugs* Like?  
  
*Hwoarang leads Baek away giving him a list*  
  
Baek: Hwoarang, you're pretty knowledgable for a 21 year old!  
  
Hwo: *shrugs* What did you expect?  
  
*Lei stood at the eggnog table, getting drunk*  
  
Crispy Bryan: Oi, Wulame!  
  
Lei: *raises eyebrow*  
  
Bryan: Damn, you got to look like Kaji from NGE in the movie...  
  
Lei: so..?  
  
Bryan: OK, So my attempts at striking up a conversation suck.  
  
Lei: that's true....  
  
Bryan: At least I'm not drunk...  
  
Lei: At least I can get drunk  
  
Bryan: At least I can get my balls kicked in  
  
Lei: *motions Nina over* At least I can have sex  
  
Bryan: I'm a spiritual person now...  
  
Lei: your dead.  
  
Bryan (still all burnt up if you're wondering): I'm reanimated!  
  
Lei: *skulls drink* at least I'm alive!  
  
Kazuya + Bryan: *punch the air* You shouldn't discriminate against reanimated people!  
  
Christie: Uh huh  
  
Kazuya: you're not dead  
  
Christie: Uh huh: *stares into space*  
  
Lei: or is she?  
  
Athos: should we push her?  
  
Kazuya, Athos, Lei, Bryan + Lee: *look really, really tempted*  
  
Xioyu: look! Tinsel!  
  
Christie: Uh huh *moves over to Xioyu*  
  
  
  
*over at the punch table Jun stands*  
  
True Ogre: Pours a drink for Jun* What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?  
  
Jun: It's a Christmas party. I was invited.  
  
Ogre: *nods head* I've been in the Netherworld for 5000 years, and to be honest, do I make you randy baby?  
  
Jun: Oh behave!  
  
Ogre: *snorts*  
  
Jun: You know I can see the goodness in your heart...  
  
  
  
*Hwoarang stand, alone, drinking. Xioyu notices the mistletoe, just above his head. She moves a little closer, closer, then BAM! Lee knocks her out of the way and plants a big wet one on Hwoarang*  
  
Lee: Merry Christmas!  
  
Hwo: *spitting everywhere, trying to get the taste out of his mouth* What kind of a present is that?!  
  
Lee: I thought you liked me...  
  
Hwo: *retching* Well there are a number of sick people who think I like Jin! *Sticks finger up to all of those Yaoi writers*  
  
Lee: *pouts and sits in the corner*  
  
Kazuya: poor Lee, you should have given him a chance, he has a mouth like a Hover.  
  
Hwo: *shocked* I'm not gay! As I was explaining to Lee!  
  
Kazuya: Give him 2 minutes and he'll change your mind.  
  
Hwo: What?! NO!!!!  
  
Kazuya: *shrugs and goes back to kissing Michelle*  
  
*Hwoarang looks at Kazuya and Lee, then shakes his head*  
  
Hwo: A mouth like a Hover?  
  
  
  
*Kuma sits with Panda, smoking pot*  
  
Kuma: This is good shit!  
  
Panda: *Inhales deeply* Awwww man........  
  
Hwo: Now where did I stick my stash? This party is getting boring...  
  
Panda: Holy shit! The redhead is comin' over! Quick! Hide the bong!  
  
*Kuma hides the bong*  
  
Hwo: Hey, have you guys seen my grass anywhere?  
  
Kuma + Panda: Grr?  
  
Hwo: Sorry man, I swear I heard you talking a moment ago, hey, you guys look pretty whacked, what are you on?  
  
Kuma: *pulls out the bong* We found some wicked shit  
  
Hwo: *sits down* Can I pull one?  
  
Panda: Yeah, sure  
  
Hwo: Got a light?  
  
Kuma: Paul stole my lighter *sob*  
  
Hwo: Nevermind *pulls out one of his many lighters and smokes*  
  
  
  
*Christie, Eddy, Tiger and Xioyu play twister*  
  
Kazuya: that game is ruined now *goes back to pashing Michelle*  
  
*Katou from Angel Sancturary walks over to Hwoarang and the bears*  
  
Katou: Anyone got a light?  
  
Hwoarang: Here *hands Katou Jin's Scar patterned lighter with a flame background (that would be cool to have actually...)*  
  
Jin: That's my god damn lighter!!!  
  
Jun: WHAT?!  
  
Ogre: *pashes Jun*  
  
Katou: Cool lighter *lights a blunt and walks off with Jin's lighter*  
  
Jin: OI! You come back here! *runs after Katou*  
  
Hwo: Took Jin a while to notice his lighter was gone.  
  
Panda: When did you take it?  
  
Hwo: I nicked it about a year back  
  
  
  
*Nina plays twister with Eddy, Tiger, Christie and Xioyu, but ends up breaking their legs, arms, ankles and necks*  
  
Eddy, Tiger, Christie and Xioyu: Ow! Nina you suck!  
  
Nina: *Glares* I won didn't I?  
  
Xioyu: You cheated!!  
  
Nina: *Twists her already broken arm* Did not!!  
  
  
  
Authors notes: ( I hate writing these! )  
  
Thanks to Void slayer once again, this time for letting me use the Christie "uh huh" Monterio gag, it just fits so well with her character and I had to use it, in fact the Lei + Bryan corny argument was the lead up to it.  
  
Sorry if you found it unbearable, or got confused, I mainly do this in class, when I'm 'sposed to be doing something else... so its mainly cut and paste in it's style  
  
Please review! 


	4. part 4

A Very Tekken Christmas  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Tekken, Namco does...... for now.  
  
Claimer: However I do own Athos, Nadi, Tere & J2  
  
Anywayz on with the damn story that was created for no particular reason....  
  
*Steve Fox walks in*  
  
Steve; Hiya everyone!!  
  
Everyone; *groan* Hi Steve.  
  
Nina; *drops Xioayu on her head* Steve, there is someone I'd like you to meet.  
  
Steve: who?  
  
Nina; My other illegitimate son with Kazuya.  
  
Athos; hi  
  
Steve: how come you look Japanese?  
  
Athos; Kazuya's Japanese. You see, his genes are dominate to Nina's Irish genes.  
  
Steve; Well, if we're brothers, then how come I look British and not Japanese?  
  
Athos: Namco fucked up, you'd better ring up. And while your there, complain about your shirt.  
  
Steve; *looks at his Hawaiian shirt* What's wrong with my shirt?  
  
Athos: *smacks forehead and walks off*  
  
Kazuya: How come I keep on having sons?  
  
Tere; *walks in* I like it when you have sons, their all so cute!  
  
*Jin, Steve and Athos back away*  
  
*Kazuya just kisses Michelle*  
  
*Xioayu follows Heihachi to the dungeons*  
  
*Ayane and Kasumi stand eating chips at the chip table*  
  
Ayane: I don't think we're 'sposed to be here, we're from DOA.  
  
Kasumi: Damn my bra hurts!  
  
Ayane; Yeah! Lets take 'em off!  
  
*Ayane and Kasumi take their bras off to discover that they were wearing over- sized push up bras, and originally they had normal breast sizes*  
  
Kasumi: wow! I haven't been able to see my feet in years!  
  
Ayane: Hell yeah!  
  
*Ayane and Kasumi throw their bras at Hwoarang*  
  
Hwo: Holly shit!  
  
Ein: (from DOA) Holly shit girls! What happened? *falls over and spills eggnog on Ayane's chest* Nevermind!  
  
Hwoarang: I'm suffocating!  
  
Kuma and Panda:* shake their heads*  
  
Anna: *whips the bras away from Hwoarang's head (amazingly she's still alive)* Wow! This is a bra thingy right? Nina, help me put it on!  
  
Nina; *sceptical look* You've neve put a bra on before?  
  
Anna; *happy* no  
  
Nina: so let me get this straight, you've never put a bra on for Forty years?  
  
Anna: Uh huh  
  
Christie: Uh huh  
  
Nina: Why aren't you unconscious??! *kicks Christie in the head* Okay, I'll help you Anna *sigh*  
  
Hwo: I can breathe! *breathes in a hell of a lot of pot smoke and passes out*  
  
Kuma and Panda: *listening to Bob Marly* #get up stand up stand up for your rights #  
  
Paul Phoenix; *walks over and gets dizzy because of the pot smoke* Hey! You bears! Come here for a beating!  
  
Kuma: yeah right *goes back to listening to Bob Marly*  
  
Paul; *staggers..* Wheee... *and lands on Unknown* Hey baby...  
  
Unknown: *Struggling* Get your hands off a me! *gets possessed*  
  
Marshall: I thought you were gay!  
  
Forrest: *cries* I loved you! You made me feel so wanted!  
  
Paul; yeah, well *breaks out into song* # Its a sexual revolution #  
  
Unknown: What the fuck?  
  
Macy Gray : thank you for degrading my song Paul.  
  
J2: *finally walks in (I've been meaning to put him in for a while!)* Oh god what is that?  
  
Kazuya: *transforming*  
  
J2: *picks up a brick and hands it to Devil Kazuya* Please for the love of god!  
  
Devil Kazuya: Gladly * Throws the brick so damn hard it caught alight at it flew through the air. It hit Paul, between the eyes, knocking him out and leaving an imprint*  
  
J2: # you have to keep your freak to yourself #  
  
Paul: #Jingle bells jingle bells jingle bells rock...#  
  
Confused reader: Is that all the author knows?  
  
Author known as Eyes Of Fate: No, would you like me to make Paul sing a song about Jesus instead?  
  
Catholic reader: that would be lovely  
  
Author: fine  
  
Paul: # Mary's boy child Jesus Christ was born on Christmas day #  
  
Hwo; Aw man! Get off me! *Tries to shift Paul's fat ass off him*  
  
Paul: Hey, baby...  
  
Hwo: don't you dare crack on to me! *punches Paul in the nose*  
  
*As Paul goes flying, his pants tear open, revealing a pair of French black lace under wear*  
  
Nina: YOU SICK BASTARD, I TOLD YOU TO STAY OUT OF MY UNDERWEAR!!!! *she then flew at him and proceeded to break all of his joints, bones and rip his muscles apart*  
  
Michelle: Paul is not having a good time..  
  
*Tere grabs Jin and pulls him down to the dungeons to make out, only to find...*  
  
Jin; Xioayu!  
  
Tere; Hedgis!  
  
Heihachi: It's Heihachi to you!!! *goes back to pashing Xioayu*  
  
Jin & Tere: oh my god!  
  
Tere: and she used to be my favourite female character!!  
  
Jin: # I saw Xioayu kissing Hei- hachi! Under his beard so white #  
  
Tere: this is bad.  
  
Jin: I want my present granddaddy!  
  
Heihachi: wait a minute boy! I'm giving Xioayu hers!  
  
Tere; ewwwwwwwww! Sick! Sick! Sick! Sick!  
  
Heihachi: Jesus no! *shoves Xioayu out of the way* Don't be gross!  
  
Xioayu: your all so mean!  
  
Jin: Did you even know what we meant?  
  
Xioayu: UM, no, Jin Jin  
  
Tere: JIN JIN? *chases Xioayu*  
  
Heihachi: *shakes head* this is one sick fic  
  
Author: *glares* I could be awful to you, I mean really bad.  
  
Heihachi: like what are you going to do to me? *mocking*  
  
Author: I dunno, but it's gonna be bad. Your gonna get the degrading you deserve!  
  
Heihachi: *raises eyebrow and acts real cool about it*  
  
Author: Next time Heihachi Walter Mishima, I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I will get you!  
  
Heihachi: Noooooooo! Not my middle name!  
  
  
  
In fact, if any one has any ideas about what could happen to Heihachi in the next instalment of A very Tekken Christmas please email me with suggestions at:  
  
cutedeath@2die4.com  
  
I'll make sure I'll thank you on the next chapter (if I don't you can sue by all means!)  
  
Thanks to Voidslayer (who's not writing at the moment because his computer blew up, so hang in there if your a Tekken Goes On Tour fan, I'll make sure the next chapter gets up as soon as possible! *waves cat 'o nine tails around*) Well he's been turning me on all week (ever want something you can't have?), and giving me suggestions for what Nina could do (he's the biggest Nina fan around)  
  
And sorry to everyone if their favourite character has been degraded in some way, just remember its all in fun, and I even bagged out my favourite character, Hwoarang (I'm nuts about him, honestly! I've even dyed my hair red and taken up Tae Kwon Do!) so if you decide to e mail me nasty flamers, you can, but I'll return the email with a just as nasty comment on the bottom. 


End file.
